we are presenting our research,

five minutes theory,

five minutes practice, 

five minutes discussion,

two teachers are present,

one of them holding a stop watch

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people take turns,

i am the last one of the day

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i place my phone on the table

it is playing like an angel passing through my room by abba

i get up and open the window,

i pour two jars of golden marbles into the streets 

and try to make myself sick

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(the entrance gates of tate modern are watching)

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i had eaten plenty of food for lunch, 

nothing would come out

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i hear one of my teachers say

darius, i don't like this, please stop

i cannot stop, i continue

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my teacher is now behind me, one hand on my back 

please stop

i am not stopping

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once i feel like it is over i get back to my seat,

i stop the music, take a moment, then look up 

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how much time have i got left?

i attempt to articulate my research

we have a discussion

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in the evening i send an email to my teachers, 

i am apologising

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among my teachers' responses is a link for student services,

making sure i know there is mental health support 

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marbles 2, 2017, chelsea college of arts, documentation

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